How I Am Learning To Shut Up

He IS Risen!!! Truly He is Risen!

No better words to remind us of the truth of Easter and our Christian faith!


OK, so I didn't quite follow my write more often mandate- oops! But it was a great Lent I learned many things about myself and hopefully will continue growing in my faith as I walk through this life.

So what did you learn? I learned I can do better at overcoming my weaknesses in life and that I do have so many. That, yes, I am an ass but as long as I keep trying to overcome my jerkiness there is merit to it. I also am learning to keep my politically charged mouth shut, although that one is really hard to do when I see blatant hypocrisy and overt selfishness being battered around as a virtue. But slowly I am realizing that me speaking out and getting into a charged discourse on politics with most people would be about as good as talking to a brick wall since I nor anyone I know can do a darn thing about it. There are still some issues were I get my mind in a flurry of spinning frenetic mayhem but I am managing to keep my mouth shut. ROFL, though one day it may explode and well, if and when it does it will have more impact and will have to be a a pretty egregious point... ok, I am really hoping there! LOL, it is a hoot for my family though because they know what a hardcore political junkie I am and that I follow almost all the news from all corners of the spectrum and that my lil aries self is not known for passive opinionated spectatorship. My Mom is almost keeling over laughing at how I am being good because she tends to get the most of my political pontificating and knows how hard it is for me to keep my big mouth shut.

Hey never said I was a saint, just trying to work my way up to semi-keeping my soul a little less smudged... being a ego driven flake is a hard thing to keep reigned in in these modern times we'z a living in!

So everybody keep up the hope and dreams and remember no matter how much we screw up we can always take it to Jesus ask sincerely for forgiveness and mercifully start again... and again... and again!
Peace and may you find the Divine Mercy of Jesus' heart within your life everyday.. all you have to do is learn to trust in Him and give yourself to Jesus completely... oh yeah and don't forget to ask Jesus for help. He will be more then glad to reach down and lift you up!

Oh Obama-Why, Why, Why?

Why President Obama are you making these killing policies a high end priority for your young administration? this is what I feared when I voted for you. Don't you realize how many pro-life people voted for you hoping, praying you would focus on your social programs and overturning the horrific Bush policies. No, instead you allow tax payer money to be used no for abortions over seas, and now you are overturning the ban on embryonic stem cell research knowing stem cells can be used from adults and skin cells and triggered to turn into other types of stem cells.

We have too much death of the innocents. STOP! Stop the killing of the innocents, the unborn, the death machines of war, abortion, death penalty, legal suicide assistance, torture still going on by the CIA and Military... so much death... the spraying of chemicals by planes everyday over our country. The death of souls by the media, propaganda by oligarchies...

ENOUGH!!!!! STOP THE DEATH before God's hand is let loose on us all.

Saturday Night musings ..Part One.

Jesus, how do you look in your Mother's eyes? Jesus, how does Mary look into your eyes?

Blessed mother Mary, you draw so close, never ceasing to help us to love Jesus. How I spend hours, days, a lifetime wondering about your life while you walked this earth...so innocent you were made by our glorious Father, so loved by the Holy Spirit. What dreams and worries did you have as you helped Elizabeth prepare for John's birth? As you watched her waist grow larger and felt your son growing in your womb did you realize that times will go to Calvary? Did you repeat over and over in your mind His Divine name? See the glory of Gabriel's closeness to God? ...

Hail, Mary! Full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women!
Blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.

Oh Holy Mary, mother of God,
Pray for us sinners
now
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
....

Touched the hem of His cloak and she was healed. I love this Gospel story in Luke. Faith, and gentleness. "Who touched me" said Jesus..."I felt power leave me" ... "Daughter, go in peace." Jesus tells the cured hemorrhagic woman..."Daughter, go in peace"

How I would love to see Jesus. Just to touch the edge of his cloak! When I am good and pray and follow the path He laid out for me I can see Him in the people I pass. Sometimes I will sit and just watch people as they move by... flowing, spinning, laughing, angry... people become so fascinating once you step outside the normal way of living. My life has tossed me into an observer role for now. This is why my weakness is self induced distraction. Sometimes seeing and feeling all the emotions of those around me are too overwhelming. Reading the news too painful. How did Jesus endure the pain on that night in the garden? When he felt all the sin we committed against our brothers and sisters through the ages?

How? How His human side ached, how His divine side suffered. All by choice, for He loved us so... all by humbling choice because He loved me so...

Mass Cards and Holy Cards- Great site to Visit

This is a wonderful site that has beautiful Mass cards and holy cards from antique to modern day. She always has the prayers included that are printed on the cards and other info as available.

I highly recommend this site! (click on title for link)

Most mass card/holy card images I have/or will use on this blog will come from her vast collection. Other images are used though, including some I have found in other places and also my own photography and artwork. The Blessed Mary statue below is a work I completed last year and have in my garage waiting to be delivered, hence the background. I will try to do a better job of crediting the artwork as I continue this endeavor. As an artist myself I know how important it is to credit work and collections. So I would like to thank Micki for the use of her vast collection of cards to illustrate my mad mental musings. thank you, and may God continue to bless you and your wonderful blog!

OK, It Is Lent and I have Fallen Again

Sigh.....
I know...I know. Only a week into Lent and boy have I failed miserably in trying to be a better person. Here I am supposedly attempting to be more loving towards my fellow man, more understanding of those who I disagree with and look at what I wrote. Geez Max can't you just ignore those who get you riled up? Be more saintly and just shut up and pray for them? Umm.. I tried??? Yeah, I know.. no excuse.

Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa! (gee that isn't in spell check-sorry if misspelled..another fault of mine, laziness.)

Let's see I have managed to mentally rip on the wealthy, the extremist right wingers, the selfish, MSM talking heads, extremist, ummm... who else? Well, dang! For me that isn't too bad! At least it is my usual suspects. Although I did find myself prejudging a nice lady in class when she claimed Obama's health care reform will be >socialism> and will mandate all medical personnel to preform abortions. Now I am as anti-abortion as the next Catholic, it is wrong and a grave evil and should never be done except in extremely rare, grave circumstances where there is no other possible choice. (Hey I have even marched in DC at the big Pro-Life rally.) I read Luke Chapter one and I believe life starts at conception (without a doubt!) BUT the Freedom of Choice Act is not even up in committee in the Congress yet and Obama has not made an Executive Order yet (and I pray he doesn't, this was the one problem I really had with him. Otherwise after 8 years of Bush/Cheney I would rather have a bowl of oatmeal in the Oval Office then another republican). Health Care reform IS A SEPARATE ISSUE ,PEOPLE!!!! And for people to blindly say that health care reform is socialism!!!!!!!! PU_LEAZE! (DittoHeads who do not want to think outside their dittohead boxes, talking to you. Or have compassion outside of their own wallets. The Me generation continues from the 70s but now they are aging closed minded selfish sycophants instead of EST trainees. )

This country is falling apart medically and the only ones profiting from it are the Insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies and all their thousands of lobbyists! Why can we not have a system like our northern neighbors Canada? Where is the compassion for those less fortunate? Is it always socialism if the wealthy have to pay the same percentage in taxes as the rest of us? (Warren Buffet said he paid ~17.5% taxes on his millions the same year his secretary making $60,000 paid over 35%-even he said it was wrong and the rich need to belly up and pay. Google it Feb 2009) Is it socialism when someone on disability cannot see a dentist because no dentist in the area will take you if you don't pay full price up front and there are no slding scale service available to those on SSDisabilty? Is it socialism to take care of the suffering with dignity and quality health care?

And here I go again!!
Oops... OK I better call it a day and do some serious praying because this inner frustration and rage is just feeding off each other in no productive ways ( Altho aren't we all called to correct the sinner and didn't Jesus say that after obeying God above all else His second commandment was Love thy neighbor as I have loved you??) So am I wrong in calling out the wrongs I perceive in my countrymen if I seriously think these wrongs are detrimental to the good/soul of the people? Did not Jesus go out and cure the sick and feed the hungry and give hope and love to the masses? Did he not tell the wealthy man to give away all his possessions and follow him, and that it is easier to pass thru the eye of a needle then for a wealthy man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven? Not that their aren't many, many wonderful generous loving wealthy people that give so much to lift up so many.. May God bless them all!!!

OK tomorrow is another day... maybe I can get an appointment for confession? It is long overdue and I am disgusted with the sins I carry on my soul...
to any I have offended, I am sorry. I will pray and do penance for those who have made me so upset... thank goodness we have a merciful God who knows how weak and small we are. Jesus forgive me I have fallen again and again I have hurt you with my pride and arrogance. Forgive me dear God for what I have done to your beloved Son my Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed Mother pray for me to your Divine Son.

Late Night Wonderment- Short

Quiet in the night, my favorite time of the day. When I worked graveyard shift for ten years I loved break time I would stand outside on the dock and watch the breezes blow the trees under the streetlights glow. The silence of downtown was mesmerizingly peaceful. One, two o'clock in the morning wakens the soul, allows you to feel that life is more then the distractions and noise the daylight people infest on the world.

So We May Learn, So We Might See

What faith she had!
What horrors she witnessed.
What suffering she accepted!
What beauty she beheld.
What inspiration she gave!
What humbling she taught.

All for the glory, all for the love, all for sacrifice of our Lord.

Nothing did she give for her own vainglory. Jesus, was her all. In the tiniest, in the most filthy, in the most wretched, most sin filled... all Mother Teresa saw was Jesus. Jesus in the baby, Jesus in the dying leper, Jesus in the beaten mother. Daily, hour to hour simple, strong Mother Teresa kept her faith focused. In her darkest hours, she trusted in God.

So much she taught this age by example and words. Never taking any credit for her efforts, all was truly a gift from God to His good servant Teresa. She would exclaim to any who would listen,"Look what God has done with someone as little as me!" Listing the convents, hospitals, sisters, priests, lay people all working in the houses she founded and inspired... yes, look what God has done with tiny, frail Mother Teresa! A face and hands so etched with wrinkles and love, you have to be blind to not see the glorious beauty earned in every crevasse, every line. Her stooped shoulders and back bent so low like her humbleness as she gladly carried the Cross with our Lord.

Thanks be to God for a servant like Blessed Mother Teresa! Thanks be to the Blessed Mother Mary for guiding to Jesus little Mother Teresa! Thanks be to Jesus for His Sacrifice and Resurrection for we may be visited by a woman so holy, humble, and strong. Thanks be to God for again giving us living , walking, normal people and making them into His most glorious servants so we may learn once again how mighty the One True God is.

The Start of the Great Season of Lent

Matthew 6:16-21

“And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Cybersex and Chastity- Warning explicit frank talk

Yes, it has been a longtime since I've posted but since I am the only one that reads this basically...ehhh, so what? Not much has changed other then my deciding to use this blog as sorta an open diary over the Lenten season.

A Divine Mercy Cenacle has started at my church, which I am thrilled about so figure this will be a forum (the blog) to help me do some "out loud" thinking.

I also joined the Courage list which is for gay people wanting to live a life of chastity. Now I am old enough to know that my attraction will not change and am comfortable with that. Never had a problem with that tiny aspect of my life, sorry but my sexual side was never a huge driving, defining part of my self. Now sexual sensationalism in my art.. the fun of the sensual, guilty. Been more of a prude sexually with others but in a music or visual context I was a BIG sinner! Had these feelings for women since I was too young to even know what they were and since I am 45 now, umm, don't think they are gonna change to straight suddenly.

Why a life of chastity?
Because I prayed and thought long about this when I was came back to the Church. If a single straight person can't have sex without being married and open to conception then why should a gay person get a free pass? Just because the physical expression of love, sex, can never result in a child it is still sex.Although I don't know how straight folks can do it so blithely and not be a wreck worried about a baby.(Plus let's face it straight sex is messy and guys you are just all out there and well rather boring physically imo-sorry) Rather like those that claim abstinence even tho they are doing everything sexual in the book except actual medically defined intercourse. LOL, as the old saying goes "If there are 2 people in the room and there is an orgasm, SOMEBODY's having sex." It ain't the scientifically defined act that counts it is the intention that counts, like people who try to say cybersex is OK.... imo Cybersex is no different because you are still approaching sex from the same attitude. Plus cybersex can be even more insidious because you allow your mind and morals to go to areas you would never venture towards due the supposed safety of cyberland.

The supposed safe zone of cybersex is a myth because that rationalization allows a door to be opened in your mind thru one of the weakest regions of the human psyche, sex. It is a dangerous myth because once you start to engaged in cybersex it easily becomes a power play as well... How well can I use words to entrap a potential sex partner to IM with me? How much does the other person enjoy it and wants to keep contacting me? Wanting to meet me F2F? How easily will you do sex acts in cyberland that you would think you would never do in real life? And after engaging in those acts so many times in cyberland are then willing to try in a real life hook-up? Ya see, I think the demons know how easily the human mind can be bent and reshaped, how easily we can enter into the grey areas and rationalize into the darker zones. Like violence and gore on TV at first we are shocked then we become immune to the filth before us until we get to a point watching a horror flick or war pictures and think, "Well, that wasn't too gross" or "They should have made that scene more graphic it was too lame." Sound familiar to any of you? Was a truth with me. Thought I would use the cybersex route to see if I could build any sexual attraction towards men which led down a weird path and only proved what I knew before I even started i love men but don't have any sexual attraction to them.

Now what am I getting at with this blunt sex discussion? I am saying we are called to be higher then the animals. The sex drive is necessary for all higher beings of earth to procreate and perpetuate the species but man given intellect and a conscious knows even without a religious moral guidance that we cannot give in to the sexual impulse whenever, wherever. The are serious consequence to his actions. Sex is not meant to be just an act, it is meant to grow out of love to bring children into this world that will be loved and raised with gentle guidance and security. How many people in these modern times have you seen destroyed because one or two people chose to not control their urges? How many women raped? How many men used? How many children cast aside like garbage, killed, sold, beaten? How much suffering that could have been averted if people only broached love and sex with respect and temperance? How many millions of doctors, scientists, artists, good people have been murdered because it was not convenient for the mother or the father to have the child and at least give it up for adoption? Look at how many couples go outside of the USA to adopt because we have killed so many unborn children here.

And why? Because somewhere along the way some supposedly educated person did not want to have self-control. Did not want to appreciate love, but rather wanted to roll in the slime and filth of the creature-man instead of the human- man. We were all given a soul, a conscious, free will... I think it is time for us all straight, gay, asexual to grow up and be responsible no matter what your religious beliefs are or are not. In every great civilization there came a downfall and that downfall was marked by man's decision to not control his lower emotions and wants. When greed, selfishness, debauchery, disregard for living things and for the earth's resources hit a tipping point all civilizations fell. I see us tittering on the edge of that abyss and when we fall the loudest to complain will be the ones who refused to open their eyes to see, and their hearts to care, and to change their behavior and lives because of pride and arrogance.


OK gotta hop off here for now.... this is my world and things are rarely linear in my mind. :0) Peace and may God bless anybody who happens upon this page.

ChemTrails? You Decide

October 20, 2008 approx. 8:30 am SW Virginia

View from my bedroom window facing east. About 1:30pm drove to Kmart and in the northern sky there were FIVE planes visible laying lines parallel to the horizon and TWO flying perpendicular to the five. Wish I had camera with me. Sadly this is the typical pattern daily for this region, so I now I'll have more pics to share with you. If you wish the images are larger let me know and I'll upload the bigger files.

PLEASE check out my other blog , click on post title above for follow ups and more photos as I post them. Thank you :0)

This is what helped soothe my soul- The Divine Mercy Chaplet

Eternal Father, I offer you the body and blood, soul and divinity of your dearly beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. In atonement for our sins and the sins of the whole world...for the sake of His sorrowful Passion have mercy on us and on the whole world...O God! Holy Mighty God! Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world. Amen.

As you pray focus on how merciful Jesus is, how His love is so great that no matter how great or many your sins are, all He wishes is to forgive you and shower you with His Divine mercy. The message at the bottom of the painting is the original Polish meaning "Jesus I trust in You."

There is a beautiful version of this set to music. Contact me and I will send a CD copy of it to you. For more on-line information look up St Faustina and The Divine Mercy.

One easy to read site is http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/mercy/index.htm