Adrift, floating in the brackish waters

Was it only a month or so ago that I was immersed in the beauty of the above?

How in prayer I felt like I was there reaching out with tender love, humbled yet filled with this glorious scene of love's great suffering.

All seems dark, adrift in rapid waters tossing and turning

A moments peace inside I seek to return 

Am I so weak and easily lost?

Is my faith so superficial and tenuous?

Nowhere to rest my eyes without seeing people's pain

Darkness clouds my heart, makes the Light seem so distant

perseverance and trust, hope and faith

all I have, more mental exercise then heartfelt

the heart feels dead inside save the yearning within

So once again I crawl through the muck hopeful

once again I beg for mercy

once again i return to this place wondering

once again hoping lessons will be learned

hoping I shall do whatever He tells me without hesitation or failure

Hoping in my weakness I shall be strong enough

"...How precious and dear that grace appear the hour i first believe- hallelujah grace like rain falls down on me hallelujah all my stains are washed away!..."  Song below by Todd Agnew, numero 6.  yes i know the Amazing Grace lyrics are liberally in there, but such a good song who cares?

What to say?  So much to say, yet...so little.  I am back in Virginia after 6 months living in Canada, so much learned.  So much grace, so much sacrifice, so much given.. so much received...

To say that I wish my departure was vastly different would be the bone-solid truth.  To say there wasn't some definite pain involved would be a bold lie.  But all I can say is I hold no animosity, for all is done with love and trust.  Love, trust, faith, hope, subservience, acquiescence... all in trust, nothing that I am.  All I am is because of the love of the Great One that made me, without the divine I am nothing.  What is life without He that assumed what is human and is born to die for me and for all?  Trust in the Divine.. the Divine mercy, the Divine love.. for Jesus and Mary are within me... For they are always in me even when they are silent.  Trust.. trust.. humility... small.. hidden among the hidden... unconditional love for the Jesus in all... sacrifice for the love of the One.... yes, invisible to all except the One that matters...

For them, for you I offer it all... for the children needing surgeries.. .. for all those hidden, alone.. for them... for me... for You.
----------------------
A week has passed since arriving home.  A set schedule for myself is needed to foster and encourage my prayer life.  Daily praying of the Divine Office has comforted me, reminded me, and leads to better inner prayer and is returning the inner silence and fostering a return to that touching of Jesus within that I lost contact with over these past almost four weeks.  Praying Lauds and Vespers and Evening prayer almost everyday and trying to fit in the smaller Hours.  Being home has shown where my main distractions, weaknesses and attachments are, at least for now.  This Sunday, today, I am praying to the Holy Spirit to guide me on a schedule to follow here at home to help keep me grounded in spiritual growth, to live for now hidden within the world yet living not of this world as God sees fit for me right now.

 

My Lenten meditation for this year

What words are needed when art can touch on it all?

Meditated on also while listening to  "What Child Is This?", because sometimes music helps the heart when it is weak.

"....artists have the privilege in the Church and throughout history, to open up so that people can see the mystery of God. The artist speaks, not just literally, but symbolically. Visual images, if well done, can move us. That's a ministry." Quote from Brother Michael Moran, C.P

 

Saint Gemma Galgani

March 12, 1878-April 11, 1903

Feast Day 11 APR

Divine Mercy Sunday 2010

Same day as my birthday

(No such thing as coincidence)

The word "Metanoia" means "conversion or repentance and the continual life of inner change and growth".



"Trials help greatly to detach us from earth. They make us look to God, rather than to this world." * St. Therese of Lisieux

Back home now, left Canada on Ash Wednesday. Did not consciously plan to leave that day, it was when my hotel was paid until and it was near the end of my money so God has blessed me with what will be an interesting start to Lent this year.

All I can say is this is a true time to depend and test my own willingness to trust completely in God's will for me. He is merciful and kind to allow me this period of love and testing. So into this heart of mine I strive to make a home pleasing to Mary my Queen and mother and friend. With Blessed Mary's guidance she will lead me into making this heart a place where Jesus may come and rest His head, where hopefully one day I can truly receive completely the love He has for me and I can truly give all to Him.