Yes, it has been a longtime since I've posted but since I am the only one that reads this basically...ehhh, so what? Not much has changed other then my deciding to use this blog as sorta an open diary over the Lenten season.
A Divine Mercy Cenacle has started at my church, which I am thrilled about so figure this will be a forum (the blog) to help me do some "out loud" thinking.
I also joined the Courage list which is for gay people wanting to live a life of chastity. Now I am old enough to know that my attraction will not change and am comfortable with that. Never had a problem with that tiny aspect of my life, sorry but my sexual side was never a huge driving, defining part of my self. Now sexual sensationalism in my art.. the fun of the sensual, guilty. Been more of a prude sexually with others but in a music or visual context I was a BIG sinner! Had these feelings for women since I was too young to even know what they were and since I am 45 now, umm, don't think they are gonna change to straight suddenly.
Why a life of chastity?
Because I prayed and thought long about this when I was came back to the Church. If a single straight person can't have sex without being married and open to conception then why should a gay person get a free pass? Just because the physical expression of love, sex, can never result in a child it is still sex.Although I don't know how straight folks can do it so blithely and not be a wreck worried about a baby.(Plus let's face it straight sex is messy and guys you are just all out there and well rather boring physically imo-sorry) Rather like those that claim abstinence even tho they are doing everything sexual in the book except actual medically defined intercourse. LOL, as the old saying goes "If there are 2 people in the room and there is an orgasm, SOMEBODY's having sex." It ain't the scientifically defined act that counts it is the intention that counts, like people who try to say cybersex is OK.... imo Cybersex is no different because you are still approaching sex from the same attitude. Plus cybersex can be even more insidious because you allow your mind and morals to go to areas you would never venture towards due the supposed safety of cyberland.
The supposed safe zone of cybersex is a myth because that rationalization allows a door to be opened in your mind thru one of the weakest regions of the human psyche, sex. It is a dangerous myth because once you start to engaged in cybersex it easily becomes a power play as well... How well can I use words to entrap a potential sex partner to IM with me? How much does the other person enjoy it and wants to keep contacting me? Wanting to meet me F2F? How easily will you do sex acts in cyberland that you would think you would never do in real life? And after engaging in those acts so many times in cyberland are then willing to try in a real life hook-up? Ya see, I think the demons know how easily the human mind can be bent and reshaped, how easily we can enter into the grey areas and rationalize into the darker zones. Like violence and gore on TV at first we are shocked then we become immune to the filth before us until we get to a point watching a horror flick or war pictures and think, "Well, that wasn't too gross" or "They should have made that scene more graphic it was too lame." Sound familiar to any of you? Was a truth with me. Thought I would use the cybersex route to see if I could build any sexual attraction towards men which led down a weird path and only proved what I knew before I even started i love men but don't have any sexual attraction to them.
Now what am I getting at with this blunt sex discussion? I am saying we are called to be higher then the animals. The sex drive is necessary for all higher beings of earth to procreate and perpetuate the species but man given intellect and a conscious knows even without a religious moral guidance that we cannot give in to the sexual impulse whenever, wherever. The are serious consequence to his actions. Sex is not meant to be just an act, it is meant to grow out of love to bring children into this world that will be loved and raised with gentle guidance and security. How many people in these modern times have you seen destroyed because one or two people chose to not control their urges? How many women raped? How many men used? How many children cast aside like garbage, killed, sold, beaten? How much suffering that could have been averted if people only broached love and sex with respect and temperance? How many millions of doctors, scientists, artists, good people have been murdered because it was not convenient for the mother or the father to have the child and at least give it up for adoption? Look at how many couples go outside of the USA to adopt because we have killed so many unborn children here.
And why? Because somewhere along the way some supposedly educated person did not want to have self-control. Did not want to appreciate love, but rather wanted to roll in the slime and filth of the creature-man instead of the human- man. We were all given a soul, a conscious, free will... I think it is time for us all straight, gay, asexual to grow up and be responsible no matter what your religious beliefs are or are not. In every great civilization there came a downfall and that downfall was marked by man's decision to not control his lower emotions and wants. When greed, selfishness, debauchery, disregard for living things and for the earth's resources hit a tipping point all civilizations fell. I see us tittering on the edge of that abyss and when we fall the loudest to complain will be the ones who refused to open their eyes to see, and their hearts to care, and to change their behavior and lives because of pride and arrogance.
OK gotta hop off here for now.... this is my world and things are rarely linear in my mind. :0) Peace and may God bless anybody who happens upon this page.
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