Monday, March 15, 2010

a forehead slapping "duh" moment.

OK, sometimes God points out the obvious to you so you can realize your mistakes.  LOL, and with me ..well.. if you are even reading this need I say more?

Read the freshly posted Restoration article today and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head- a forehead slapping "duh" moment.  It is me that has been seriously getting in the way lately, that much I knew but in the flurry of all the changes I had somehow managed to forget the fact that when in Canada unpleasant hurts and pains from the past had started to come up bigtime.  Some that were very painful and had affected me for most of my life.  I have had the wonderful draw of life to have had a large chunk of not so fun things happen to me over my lifetime, like most folks.  From many, many surgeries, a hughly abusive relationship where I had real fear for my life, to many other things I won't go into in a semi-public forum.

When I started working in the kitchen at St M's one very big issue that had been nicely hid away in the bak mental filing cabinet decided to make itself known again.  Guess it was the safety of the place that allowed these things to come forward and for some hopeful healing to take place.  But plans and things changed so instead of dealing with the pains of the past they got stuffed back again as reality of the moment took over and I had to return to the nexus of many things unpleasant.  Bad timing but it is what it is and nothing is going to change the current situation.  So how to deal with this stuff, heal and rebuild?  Once again I guess I give it all to Jesus and pray, and find away to do what I must do in the isolated place I am currently in.  Hope springs eternal.

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