Tuesday, June 30, 2009

June-What A Month It Has Been

June, what a month-what a month it has been.

Impossible to put into words all learnt this month by the grace of God. It has swung from sick and painful to healthy and gentle, anguished to peace filled, sorrow to joy.

A month so full of seemingly contradictory sights, sounds, smells, thoughts, emotions. So long, so much learned, so much seen of others and my own self... so long a month that now in the closing hours of the day on the thirtieth my mind is inept to find words. Years worth of life fitted within these past short 30 days. So long a month I would gladly walk through again without hesitation for I was never alone.

Interesting, growing, insightful, struggling, yet I learned so much through all these seemingly tiny lessons intermixed throughout. Lessons given by others, by happenstance(I don't believe in coincidence though, so what word to use?). Humbling lessons that I am so thankful to be enlightened to... never much fun to learn one's own fault's, arrogance, flippancy and its effects on others and self.

For every dark time, shamed time, struggle I am thankful. Layer by layer I want to be pared down. Simplified to only one singular focus however it unfolds on the path before me... for I am trying to walk in trust of the one greater then us all. Trying to relearn what true loves means again in a real life sense and that nothing matters but the now and the openness to all it contains.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Love this Song! "Beautiful Brokenness" by Sue Peters

Wish I had a media player on this blog! In the song description Sue said at Mass one day as she watched the priest break Jesus in the Holy Eucharist her heart prayed "break me like you are broken". Thus the Spirit moved her and this song was written. It is a wonderful prayer, the Spirit lead me to stumble upon it and now I offer it everyday. Thanks Sue for listening and answering the call to create.

"Beautiful Brokenness"

Beautiful Brokenness, lead me to holiness.
Take my pride so I can see the gift of true humility,Beautiful Brokenness.

Beautiful brokenness, lead me to holiness.
Take my will so I can see the gift of faith is all I need, Beautiful Brokenness.

Take me, bless me, break me, consecrate me.
Take me, bless me, break me, consecrate me, Lord, in your beautiful brokenness.

Beautiful Brokenness, lead me to holiness.
Take my heart, take all of me, make me pure, make me clean Beautiful Brokenness.

Take me, bless me, break me, consecrate me, Lord.

As you are broken, break me today.
As you are broken, break me today.
As you are broken, break me today.
As you are broken, break me today.

Take me! Bless me! Break me! Consecrate me!
Take me. Bless me. Break me. Consecrate me, Lord, in your beautiful brokenness.
in your beautiful brokenness

Beautiful Brokenness,
lead me to holiness

Lyrics transcribed by me, so any mess ups are my fault and please notify me so I can correct them.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Rambling- just skip it boring yakking for my own mental flossing

Mass this morning at Madonna House was the highlight of my day. To see the people gathered in this humble place from such diverse walks of life is humbling. Poor, rich, smart, burnt out, loving parents, grandparents all joined in one common purpose- to glorify God and to share with the priest the Divine Liturgy. Such beautiful people, how I wish I could just be invisible and watch, listen to the flow of struggling, loving humanity touched by Jesus around those rooms. All that my heart could think throughout was "Lord, it is good for us to be here" in big bold letters like above the altar at St Elias Church. Yes, it is good for us to be here.

I was glad to be there, the MH people have been so giving to me despite my many problems. I don't know why but when there it was like when I would talk to another special person in my return to the fullness of my faith's journey. Don't know to describe it.. it is like I cannot put on the public face like I use to before. My mind shuts down at the weirdest times, my thoughts reflect the confusion I feel inside about my own spiritual journey and how lost I felt this past year trying to struggle on my own with no guidance.

For once in my life I freely admit the mess my sinfulness and idiot ways have gotten me into-I am a shadow of that former self! Once I was smart, clever the center of the party, able to converse with all societal levels and my company enjoyed, sought after. LOL, now I can barely hold my end of a boring social chit chat. All I want to follow and live the path Jesus gave and to most importantly love Jesus completely with no regard to my own self. Before I had a Mensa level IQ, now I can barely finish a book in a few weeks. LOL, God has humbled me with a 2 by 4 several times over!

Interesting. I just thank the Holy Spirit for leading me there. I do admit one guilt and that is it makes me hunger for more. To jump in completely over my head to leave all behind to go wherever the Holy Spirit leads me in service and love of the Almighty God, the Triune God that formed me. I pray that God would take the clay of me, crumble me up and reshape me into a new L-. A L- that is me yet is nothing of the old me other then a memory. Sigh, it fires up anew this calling that I have felt since that Nov 1 st night. But at my age and with my history.. but especially me age. Waited to make sure it wasn't exuberance, but that just made me even older since even then I was sure it wasn't me but God calling. What have I to give this world in the world? I am a nobody, a nothing. Not married and never will be... no children and never will have any... no vocation of the world, and no calling to any even at this age... never really had one. Would marvel at those around me that seemed so sure and drawn to something specific that they seemed to love as their job for life.

If it was up to my own selfish desires I would run to a cloistered community and spend the rest of my days in community praying, that is my one desire with nothing else coming close. But due my sins, my failings, more selfishness unless God calls in a miracle, all that too has passed. Would love to at least go and work up in Canada and experience life in a community gathered in common purpose and love for Christ. I'll think about that after my tests on Tuesday, then I can see what God has in store for me.

Please pray for me they find what is wrong, but not anything too wrong. I have had no dreams warning me of anything serious, good... but there is so much I would like to plan yet I cannot because I am waiting for Tuesday. Pray for my spiritual health the physical is nothing, but my weakness in faith is humbling and I am ashamed of my failures. I felt the Spirit calling me to continue my fasting after Thursday for an old friend that needs the prayers so I did gladly. No one knew about the fast save P& M anyway do made it easier to continue since I rarely eat with anybody. But I failed because I did slip and smoke and that was one of my sacrifices to Jesus. Especially today I smoked over 7 cigs! I am sorry, you bore thorns and nails, abandonment and the whip for me and I could not even keep this simple thing true for you. Was being around my family that all smoke and the routines.. I am weak when left to my own devices. Jesus I need your strength to raise me up away from my self.

None of this self aggrandizing behavior matters! Ahhh just take me and do what you desire and I will serve gladly dear Jesus, make it hard for I deserve it all! Physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain any and all I will gladly carry for you just please, please let me be made a little bit worthy so when I die I might be able to join you dear Jesus and Mary. Please just let me serve, if I must grovel before you I will and I will be thankful for it. You told me this week by the river in that inner voice to worry about no one except for you Jesus. Because you knew I was afraid that others would start to say I had lost it if they saw such writing as this... I am trusting you Jesus, I am trusting you for I have no other to trust save you.. Nothing else matters but you. If it means they want to try and dope me up then I will trust in Jesus that maybe out there somewhere He will send an advocate spurred by the Holy Spirit or by Mary running to wrap her arms around me... Hope..hope.. trust.. I trust in you my love.. I trust in you dear Jesus.. anything, everything you ask with your grace I will jump in both feet over my head.. trusting and hoping in You.

Art, Artist and the Divine Artist- 2 am musing

To create the modern artist is taught the ego births the process, feeds the tangibles and intangibles... a demigod of his dominion. The folly that ensnares, imprisons and loses the soul of many modern artist.

To create the artist must remove the self from the process, yet it takes a complete devotion of the self to create from little something that speaks volumes to another human.

To create the artist must remove self from the process. To create the artist must remove the self from the work. To create the artist must be the moment, silent searching.

To glorify God the artist must devote the self to the silent prayer of life's simple complexity.

Walking a paradoxical line of being completely there yet never to be there. The artist must be completely lost in love to the higher calling.

The artist always must be the instrument of Creation and never the source.

Complete in emptiness the artist soars if made into the nothingness of everything.

Friday, June 26, 2009

More I crave.. more my heart yearns.. nothing else satisfies. Nothing else matters unless turned to the One. For the love of the One my breath draws hope.

Oh, to swim deep into the stream only to rise up anew, ever changed never to look back.

To the marrow... within the atoms of being.. only one desire screams out. Silent yearning, only one wish, one focus. Always failing, but never stopping- a fool's lament I live out. Trusting I hope, Trusting I know that one day... one day I may be worthy.

stained and far away, ever failing I must try harder.. for you.
For you, I know see me. You watch me. You know me better then I,myself. You will let me fall but in falling you draw me closer to you...

how can not the world see your merciful gentleness?

Our Lord is a merciful God.

Into the desert he leads us with nothing more then His Word.

Stripping us of self and stripping us of vice.

Into the desert we go for love of Him, seeking His face of mercy.

Into the desert we journey, humbled we stay.

He leads us to drink from His river of grace.

Glory be God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit! Heaven and earth are full of your great glory. Hosanna in the highest! Teach me to be nothing, love me into a vessel filled with only You. Use me as Thy slave with no desire but to please. Bless me with mercy so I may be an instrument of your light, your love, and your life.

Please dear sweet Jesus,
Take me to the desert and show me Thy river.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Last few weeks have been... good, very good. Nothing forces out stagnation and teach lessons then being pushed out of the comfort zone, which never was all that comfy anyway. That good ol' 'reflection over the day' type of stuff bringing fruition of inner awareness/growth(? let's hope) by opening the eyes, heart and mind to the self's errors and habits, fears and desires. May not bring the best sleep though... ROFL, justifiably!

Today the Christ is born/Christmas song fixation(is that even the right use of the word?) stopped... working quietly in the yard, listening to the day... when the mind got to yakking. Stopped it with whatever seemed right for the moment... a prayer, a phrase, a quote , or the most common- a simple 'be quiet'.

How I cringe inside when I see what my behavior and self had become over the years... thank God He is merciful and for every lesson learned in painful humiliating awareness, another will be taught that will make the current tame. LOL, what was that phrase? Be careful what you pray for? :0)

DL'd a great song last week, "Beautiful Brokenness" by Sue Peters on the "2008 Best of New Catholic Music"
-" ...Take me. Bless me. Break me. Consecrate me, Lord, in your beautiful brokeness.
... As you are broken, break me today..."

Monday, June 22, 2009

7 Catholic Websites

The New Jerusalem Bible -searchable

Liturgy of the Hours Universalis. RSS feed, tracks your time zone

The Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary website and a zip file.

Daily Prayer Page -Great site that has the Daily Readings, Liturgy of the Hours, audio and video prayer of the day and many links to cover your prayer searches in fast to use format.

"The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ" by Anne Catherine Emmerich

" The Imitation of Christ" by Thoma A Kempis

Prayer Of The Day, (also a Windows Sidebar gadget)

The Seventeen Evidences of a Lack of Humility From St John Vianney

Another timely email from the great folks at the Cukierski Family Apostolate:

The Seventeen Evidences of a Lack of Humility

The Servant of God, Blessed Josemaria Escriva once compiled and inventory of pride so exhaustive that it is like something written on the shield of a soldier who has learned it all in true combat. Saint John Vianney (Cure of Ars) wrote the same thing in shorthand when he signed his name to a clerical petition. His fellow priests circulated a petition accusing St. Vianney of sensationalism, ignorance, and ostentatious poverty and austerities. As it was addressed to all clergy, St. Vianney got a hold of it, read it, and promptly signed it. By 1834 the local priests themselves were going to St. Vianney for confession.

The seventeen evidences of a lack of humility are:

1. To think that what one says or does is better than what others say or do

2. To always want to get your own way

3. To argue with stubbornness and bad manners whether you are right or wrong

4. To give your opinion when it has not been requested or when charity does not demand it

5. To look down on another's point of view

6. Not to look on your gifts and abilities as lent

7. Not to recognize that you are unworthy of all honors and esteem, not even of the earth you walk on and things you possess

8. To use yourself as an example in conversations

9. To speak badly of yourself so that others will think well of you or contradict you

10. To excuse yourself when you are corrected

11. To hide humiliating faults from your spiritual director, so that he will not change the impression he has of you

12. To take pleasure in praise and compliments

13. To be saddened because others are held in higher esteem

14. To refuse to perform inferior tasks

15. To seek to stand out

16. To refer in conversation to your honesty, genius, dexterity, or professional prestige

17. To be ashamed because you lack certain goods

For more information on the Cure of Ars, we recommend the book "Saint John Vianney", by George William Rutler

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Blessed be the Most Loving Heart and Sweet Name of Our Lord Jesus Christ and the most glorious Virgin Mary, His Mother, in eternity and forever. Amen.

....Only the Heart of Christ who knows the depths of his Father's love could reveal to us the abyss of his mercy in so simple and beautiful a way ----From the Catechism. P:1439

From the depth of my nothingness, I prostrate myself before Thee, O Most Sacred, Divine and Adorable Heart of Jesus, to pay Thee all the homage of love, praise and adoration in my power.
Amen. - - St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

Act of Consecration to the Sacred Heart

O Sacred Heart of Jesus, to Thee I consecrate and offer up my person and my life, my actions, trials, and sufferings, that my entire being may henceforth only be employed in loving, honoring and glorifying Thee. This is my irrevocable will, to belong entirely to Thee, and to do all for Thy love, renouncing with my whole heart all that can displease Thee.

I take Thee, O Sacred Heart, for the sole object of my love, the protection of my life, the pledge of my salvation, the remedy of my frailty and inconstancy, the reparation for all the defects of my life, and my secure refuge at the hour of my death. Be Thou, O Most Merciful Heart, my justification before God Thy Father, and screen me from His anger which I have so justly merited. I fear all from my own weakness and malice, but placing my entire confidence in Thee, O Heart of Love, I hope all from Thine infinite Goodness. Annihilate in me all that can displease or resist Thee. Imprint Thy pure love so deeply in my heart that I may never forget Thee or be separated from Thee.
I beseech Thee, through Thine infinite Goodness, grant that my name be engraved upon Thy Heart, for in this I place all my happiness and all my glory, to live and to die as one of Thy devoted servants.


. -- St. Margaret Mary Alacoque

from the book
Devotion To The Sacred Heart
by Fr. John Croiset, S.J.
Rudderless boat, light tinged circles tease and rock;
peering over edge a hand draws dreams through fluid mirrors,
light scatters, circles divide.
breezes yearned on silent seas.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Pondering On a Greater Purpose In Life at the Age of 46

The heart's yearning for a greater purpose in life was made to wander through my mind this evening. While reading the Forum at Catholic Answers.com a woman wrote about her searching for a religious order that took older women. Immediately I empathized with her because my own search and burning desire. From the moment I came back in full with the Church and devotion I have felt a non-stop calling for religious life, asking Jesus about it and hearing an inner voice telling me that I will be welcomed. When I was 5 I wanted to be a medicine woman or a Sister like Sister Elizabeth(the only religious woman I ever talked with). I knew I was in toddler's clothes though and needed to relearn and learn so much and time had to be spent discerning whether this burning desire was just fervor's folly or true. I also knew any competent vocation director would say wait a few years and see if you still feel the same after the newness of the moment wears off.

I searched far and wide on the web and almost all religious orders had a cut off age of 40, some even younger especially the more physically demanding ones by age 35. A rare few consider older women, very few. What a deep sadness befell me seeing that one of the few things I was ever sure about in my life was most likely found too late. This woman's response in Catholic Answers rang with that same underlying tone. She even said if she could find an order that would let her in she could somehow pay them to cover her living expenses or if they could let her in until she got too old and medically expensive to care for. I can relate. I find myself at times wishing they maybe would let me in and understanding the financial costs of taking new members who are older they would be setting themselves for possible fiscal nightmares. To just be able to spend even 10-20 years within a community of religious all focused on the same goal of serving, living, sacrificing for the glory of God would be almost heaven on earth. Then even if tossed out to a ratty old folks home those previous years would forever be etched in the soul and make the last years seem like another offering for God.

Reflecting on all this made me realize how much I honestly keep trying to bury this desire within me to not feel the disappointment of being just a little too late in life again. Forces me to focus not on the sorrow I feel but on trusting in Jesus, for if He wishes it then He will make it so. It also forces me to prevent the "what if" game that serves no good..what if I had a doctor sooner that didn't strike such fear in me over returning to organized religion? Blah-blah-blah...see the "what if's" are the past and can never serve any good in the now.

Every order requires on average 5 to 7 years before final vows are made so at my age if I was accepted within the next 10 months would make me 51 to 53. Not hard to understand the limit when looked at in stark numbers. A 20 yo would be able to give a good 50 years of active service to the order, someone my age would maybe give 20 if given the same cutoff around age 70. So yes partly it is a numbers game.

Many recommend the secular Franciscans or Carmelites and those are great when there is nothing else, but still lacks the community togetherness of living with others that cannot be replicated. Makes me wonder how many great holy women who we never got to hear from as they went through life alone, their wisdom lost? Thank God there isn't an age limit on priests!

St Gemma wished so much to be a Passionist nun but due various reasons was unable to be accepted until after her death and obvious to all she was a saint. Can't help but think if she was alive today she would be locked up on a psychward or pumped so full of medicines she most likely never would have reached the limits of love for Jesus that she did. Then again Jesus may have protected her from all that or it was why she was born when she was, so she was protected through the gift of time? Males me wonder how many holy ones in these modern times have had that very scenario happen to them? Maybe that is another reason Jesus weeps when He sees modern science again hurting His path laid out for them? So many psychwards and mental patients have such strong belief in God and are told it is wrong or are beaten into chemical submission until they conform to the secular world's view of normal thinking. I had some wonderful conversations with supposedly crazy people that would make most people seem like lazy heathens. The crazy person's only crime was they refused to acquiesce their belief in God to a human's mandate of proper levels of religious thinking other then that they displayed no other symptomatology of a mental illness.

Thus back to the question of age and why such an arbitrary cut off, is it fiscal or physical? Do they think older women are too incapable of growing and learning? Do they think older women will bring too much baggage compared to younger women? Do they think older women are just seeking a place for care in their old age, a carry-over from when women didn't have the availability of work? Do they think we have so much stain of sin on us that we will somehow pollute the order?

Not for me to know and not for me to change for it is not in my power, again only God can make the way light and the path clear if He deems it to be.

Don't Ask Me Why- Christmas Lyrics in June

Don't know why, but I have been totally into Christmas music the past couple days. Can't get enough of the songs that praise the arrival of the Christ child. The lyrics really deserve a perusal even outside of the season for their joy and sentiment is always a great reminder that we should be thankful everyday that Jesus humbled Himself for us.

What Child is This Lyrics

What child is this, who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap, is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?
This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!
So bring Him incense, gold, and myrrh,
Come peasant king to own Him,
The King of kings, salvation brings,
Let loving hearts enthrone Him.
Raise, raise the song on high,
The Virgin sings her lullaby:
Joy, joy, for Christ is born,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!
Silent Night Lyrics

Silent night! Holy night!
All is calm, all is bright round yon virgin mother and child,
Holy infant so tender and mild,
sleep in Heavenly peace! sleep in Heavenly peace!

Silent night! Holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight;
glories stream from Heaven afar,
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia, Christ, the Saviour, is born!
Christ, the Saviour, is born!

Silent night! Holy night!
Son of God, Love's pure light
radiant beams from Thy Holy face,
with the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth,
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Your Prayers Are Only an Insult- Sermons of the Cure of Ars

Wow came across this in my email today and thought it was a great read for us all to reflect on from the great St John Vianny(sp?) himself:

Your Prayers Are Only an Insult
Sermons of the Cure of Ars

There are some who derive satisfaction from the virtues they practice because their tendencies are all that way. For example, a mother will pride herself on the fact that she gives some alms, that she frequents the Sacraments, that she even reads some spiritual books -- yet she sees without dismay that her children are keeping away from the Sacraments. Her children do not make their Easter duty, yet this mother, from time to time, gives them permission to go to amusements, to dances, to weddings, and sometimes to the winter gatherings. She loves to see her daughters appearing in public; she thinks that if they do not frequent these places of debauchery, no one will know them and they will not be able to find themselves husbands and homes. Yes, undoubtedly they would be unknown -- but only to the libertines. Yes, my dear brethren, they will not find themselves husbands from among those who would treat them like the most wretched slaves. This mother loves to see them well turned out; this mother loves to see them in the company of some young men who are wealthier than they are. After certain prayers and some good works, which certainly she will do, she thinks herself to be on the road to Heaven.
Carry on, my good mother; you are only a blind hypocrite; you have only the appearance of virtue. You set your mind at rest with the thought that you make some visits to the Blessed Sacrament; without any doubt that is a good thing; but your daughter is at a dance; but your daughter is at the cabaret with libertines, and they will be spewing out nothing but one kind or another of indecency; but your daughter, tonight, is in a place where she should not be. Go away, blind and abandoned mother, go out and leave your prayers. Do you not see that you are doing as the Jews did, who bent the knee before Jesus Christ to make a semblance of adoring Him? So, then, you come to adore God, while your children are out to crucify Him.

Poor blind creature, you do not know either what you say or what you do. Your prayers are only an insult which you offer to God. Begin by going to find your daughter, who is losing her soul; then you may return to God to ask Him for your conversion.

A father thinks that it is quite enough to maintain good order in his house; he will not have anyone swearing or using obscene words. That is very good. But he has no scruple about allowing his boys to go to amusements, to fairs, and all sorts of pleasures like that. This same father permits work to be done on Sundays on the slightest pretext, even such as not to go against the wishes of his reapers or his threshers. However, you see him in church adoring God, even prostrate before Him: he is trying to avoid the slightest distraction. But tell me, my friends, how do you suppose God can look upon such people as that? Carry on, my poor friend, you are blind. Go and learn your duties and then you may come to offer your prayers to God. Do you not see that you are doing the work of Pontius Pilate, who recognised Jesus Christ and who yet condemned Him?

You will see this other man, who is charitable, who gives alms, who is touched by the poverty of his neighbour. That is quite good. But he allows his children to live in the greatest ignorance. Perhaps they do not even know what they should do in order to be saved. Go along, my poor man. You are blind. Your alms and your sympathy are leading you, with great steps, straight to Hell. Here is another who has plenty of good qualities. He likes to help everyone. But he cannot tolerate his unfortunate wife or his poor children, upon whom he heaps insults, and possibly even ill-treats. Carry on, my friend, your religion is worth nothing.

This one thinks that he is quite good because he is not a blasphemer or a thief, or even unchaste, but he goes to no trouble at all to correct those thoughts of hatred, of revenge, of envy, and of jealousy which fill his soul almost every day. My friend, your religion can only ruin you.

We see others, too, who are all full of pious practices, who become full of scruples at omitting some prayers they usually say. They would think themselves lost if they were not at Holy Communion on certain days when they have the habit of receiving, but trifles make them impatient and grumblers. A mere word which they did not care for will fill them with coldness and dislike. They will have difficulty in being civil to their neighbour; they will want to have nothing to do with him; on different pretexts, they will avoid his company; they will find that someone has been behaving badly in respect of them.

Go away, you poor hypocrites, go and become converted; after that you may have recourse to the Sacraments, which, in your state, without knowing it, you are only profaning with your wrongly understood devotion.
OUCH! Told ya it was a good slap in the face wake up call for personal reflection!

Salutations to the Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Salutations to the Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Hail, Heart most holy.

Hail, Heart most gentle.

Hail, Heart most humble.

Hail, Heart most pure.

Hail, Heart most wise.

Hail, Heart most patient.

Hail, Heart most merciful.

Hail, most loving Heart of Jesus and Mary.

We revere Thee.

We glorify Thee.

We give Thee thanks.

We love Thee.

We offer Thee our heart.

Receive it and possess it wholly. Purify it. Enlighten it. Sanctify it. That Thou may live and reign in it now, always and forever and ever. Amen.

Thanks Curierski Family Apostolate

Rain and Youth's Lost Innocence

Rain...gentle staccato on metal awnings....a bird sings out another flutters by... rain...beating a soothing tune...soft...gentle...rain slows my breathing, my mind

nature's music wafts through me as breezes blow heavy wet leaves.

So many hate rain, the clouds, the quiet mandated by the weather. Hushed voices muffled as they walk by, cars moving slower... slow grace filled swirl and swoop a leaf falls. The mind sighs, peace filled.

Rain has always fascinated me, my earliest memory is of rain on a Sunday morning. Thunderstorms shudder the soul awake! Frenetic lightening, crashing bone jarring thunder shakes the house's timbers. The primitive awakens, visceral wonderment and fear; awestruck at nature's fury, mesmerized by nature's gentle caress.


After ten days of silence thanks to the previously mentioned "ick fest" I immediately jumped back into the world of noise and frivolity. Think it is God's way of teaching me kindly that the world's distractions are just that- frivolous distractions with little merit unless aimed towards something constructive. Monday's were all my own doing, listening to music which led me to an evening of mind numbing TV watching that never ceases to remind me how abysmal American TV has devolved. And society wonders why the children are so lost? Look at what we assault their minds with! No wonder modesty is an afterthought only mandated by responsible parents if there to catch the kids.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Well I survived the week- Yeah! Next!!

Been thinking about contemplative prayer and how surprised I am after reading how many lay people don't seem to take time to practice this form of prayer. Of course for me I call it Tuesday if I am being very, very good. (Which isn't often the case) Guess I am fortunate and blessed to live a very quiet life right now. I am happy that I have found a place in town that offers a wonderful retreat/prayer house where they offer Poustinia rooms for up to 24 hours. I heard the mental skid marks, it is Russian for desert, like the people searching for God would go to the quiet of the desert to listen for God's voice MH offers rooms for those searching for that silence.They also have a chapel with Jesus in the Holy Eucharist is present! Yippie! Any place with the Holy Eucharist in it is a great place to be! The home has an instantly safe, and warm feel to it when you enter and the people running it are consecrated lay religious, I have helped out there a couple times and every one of them are genuinely nice people who walk the walk and live the Gospels in their lives. Plus great cooks! I never ate fish soup that I actually liked before and I was getting sick at the time and STILL liked the darn stuff! LOL!

Oh should give them a shout out... Madonna House in Roanoke is ran by the Madonna House Apostolate founded by Catherine Doherty in 1947 and a House opened here by invitation of the Bishop exactly 30 years ago in 1979. How I never really knew about them until now I don't know. I knew my Grandparents would donate money to them. But God has a way of working that constantly surprises and points out the obvious when needed, LOL, plus let's admit it knowing me He probably figured let me wait and get really frustrated by not being able to find a place close by to go on retreats to given my car problems and teach me some good needed lessons for my stubborn lil Aries ego. LOL, builds an appreciation for what wonderful things are right under my nose if I had just opened my eyes to see once in awhile.

Now if I would just stop ramming my horns into the walls....

Monday, June 8, 2009

Ugh- Can't Sleep and It's 3:30 AM

Photo by Sheafers, Lightening Strike In Norway 2009

C'est le vie. Think I'll go stare at the wall some more and veg. Peace y'all and out!

Friday, June 5, 2009

grace of the line

"Sorrow to Hope" LM copyrighted 2001

The grace of the line that is just and right.

Flowing from a center, not mine, the brush moves.
Seeking truth of being,
Truth of what is.

The grace of the line what is just and light

Friday Driving Home

Driving home today I saw a person so bent over and a face so filled with sorrow it hurt my own heart to see him. So much sorrow in this world it becomes heavy just to observe and feel the weight bearing into your own being... I said a heartfelt prayer as I drove home. Laying down to take a short nap I could not sleep the weight kept drawing me back to this one man's face, to the other people I have seen over the past few months. I am but a selfish human too often distracted by my own petty pithiness, how do the Holy ones deal with it? The saints that silently walk unknown among us? The Guardian Angels? Oh how does Blessed Mary our mother stand it looking over her spiritual children feeling their misery and heartache? How does Jesus' tender divine sacred heart bear it?

One, two, three people... one, two, three thousand... one, two, three billion walking among us on this beautiful world who are unable to see the beauty that rises above the physical like the sun and the moon. What a sorrow that must fill Heaven and Jesus' heart, so much He willing took for us, to help us, give us hope. His sacred heart always pierced by our sins, lack of faith, lack of trust. Does one person's genuine pray of love and thanksgiving give Him a respite from the others sorrow and failings? Don't know why but I think it does. Some mornings When I awake I make a simple prayer for Jesus to please find a soul somewhere that lightens his burden of our sins. How Jesus must yearn for that one person that is on that edge to just ask him for His merciful love to guide them to Him. How Mary waits anxiously listening for the soft voice in the darkness that cries out for her help in guiding them to her son. Yes, to run to us so she can pass our prayers to her son and make Him smile knowing another has heard and has chosen to open themselves to Him.

Sitting here I hope, I trust, I send my love and prayers for all those who are lost in their sorrows for that one person matters no matter their life's mistakes. That one person matters to our God and is of our God and may be Jesus walking and searching for the one Samaritan who will reach out to Him and give love and comfort. Was I the Pharisee who drove on by? Could I have done more?

Dear Mary please ask your beloved son, Jesus to fill me with the grace to live His path more fully and to never walk by God's more poor who might just need a smile or a kind word. I remember how much that meant to me when I was at my lowest, do not let me ever forget the strength of the simple loving act on another of my brothers.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Pope John Paul 2

His greatest strength came when he allowed himself to be at his weakest.

(If anybody knows who did the above painting please write me so I can give credit)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Simple Lil Miracles from God's Garage

Many times we overlook the awesome power of God in our everyday, hum-drum lives.

Today I worked the festival for the third day at my church, the last day of a wonderful food and culture fest and my shift was a short one starting at 4pm. Distracted after a sad morning were my mother's cat passed away from lymphoma just two months after the mother of same cat also passed away from the same illness I left their house. I interestingly was cat sitting for a nice couple and had to drive across town to care for their home and kittie when I remembered to look at the gas level. AHHHH!! I had put $5 in on Friday at 189 miles at $2.39/gallon and I was sitting on 249 miles on the gas gauge in a car that recently averaged maaaybe 20 miles per gallon.

No biggie you think except I am flat broke due very expensive dental work earlier this month and am waiting to get paid hopefully on the 1st and my change reserve had run dry! AHHHH! Driving across town I prayed for Jesus to please let my car make it to the church so I can help my church family. I get to the church just 1 minute before my shift and over 265 miles on the ol sweet car! That is almost 70 miles on approximately 2 1/2 gallons of gas! Thank you dear sweet God!! Thank you Guardian Angel who gets stuck helping me out all the time with God's OK!

Ya know... God sure looks after us if we just do the best we can and ask Him for help for unselfish reasons. Oh... and of course, we just let go and place our trust in Him. Imagine the world if we could get greater numbers of people trying to live this way for God? Be a pretty awesome world if enough of us at least tried.

OK that is my little bit for the day... miracles happen no matter how small, and we should all should learn to see them and thank God for them. Hey he IS all powerful, if He can make a universe then he can help you with even the little things is you just open your heart for Him.

Peace y'all! :0)