Holy, holy, holy is HIS name...

Holy...holy..holy are His works...
as we await His coming, we prostrate ourselves to His glory.
Wondrous is He!  Glorious is He!  Loving is He!

Have mercy on us your children.  Have mercy on us, your loves.

See us as we struggle for yearning love of You.  Glorious are you Almighty God, most Holy Triune God!  

Mysterious wonderment of our hearts, minds and guiding Light.

In You, with You, through You, for You we clammer and cry out our hearts and lives... all for You we try, all for You we hope, all for You we trust.

Beautiful Holy One who makes our hearts laugh and smile in wonderment and love, childlike eyes we follow You, as we scramble to turn the weeds we offer into flowers of great beauty of Your creation.  All for love.  All for love.

Smiling we bow low, smiling for we know You are real, smiling for we know You are all that matter.
Smiling for we cry with joy that Your grand mysterious heart has deemed us worthy enough to be touched and transformed by You, our Glorious Loving God.

How wonderful You are our Beloved, merciful, gentle Lord.
Thank you... thank you.

"Better Than A Hallelujah" Amy Grant Lyrics

God loves a lulluby
In a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God loves the drunkard's cry
The soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out out miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

(Better than a Hallelujah sometimes)
Better than a Hallelujah
(Better than a Hallelujah sometimes)

Dying to Self

When you are forgotten or neglected
and you don't hurt with insult,
but your heart is happy,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When your advice is disregarded
your opinions ridiculed, and you
refuse to let anger rise in your heart,
and take it all in patient, loving silence,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you lovingly and patiently bear disorder,
irregularity, unpunctuality, and annoyance...
and endure it as Jesus endured it,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you never care to refer to yourself in
conversation or record your own good works,
or itch for praise after an accomplishment,
when you can truly love to be unknown,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can see your brother or sister
prosper and can honestly rejoice with them,
and feel no envy even though your needs
are greater,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you are content with any food,
any offering, any raiment, any climate,
any society,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

When you can take correction, when you can
humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly,
with no rebellion or resentment rising up
within your heart,
THAT IS DYING TO SELF.

In Luke 9:23-25
Jesus states: "If anyone wishes to come after Me and be my disciple, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whosoever will save his life, shall lose it, and whoever shall lose his life for My sake will save it. For
what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his
immortal soul."

"Those Who believe in me, even though they die, will live."
- John 11:25

50 Maxims for Obtaining Perfection in the Love of Jesus Christ
by Saint Alphonsus Liguori

1. To desire ardently to increase in the love of Jesus Christ.
2. Often to make acts of love towards Jesus Christ. Immediately on waking, and before going to sleep, to make an act of love, seeking always to unite your own will to the will of Jesus Christ.
3. Often to meditate on his Passion.
4. Always to ask Jesus Christ for His love.
5. To communicate often, and many times in the day, to make spiritual Communions.
6. Often to visit the Most Holy Sacrament.
7. Every morning, to receive from the hands of Jesus Christ Himself, your own cross.
8. To desire Paradise and death, in order to be able to love Jesus Christ perfectly, and for all eternity.
9. Often to speak of the love of Jesus Christ.
10. To accept contradictions for the sake of Jesus Christ.
11. To rejoice in the happiness of God.
12. To do that which is most pleasing to Jesus Christ, and not to refuse Him anything that is agreeable to Him.
13. To desire and to endeavor, that all should love Jesus Christ.
14. To pray always for sinners, and for the souls in purgatory.
15. To drive from your heart every affection that does not belong to Jesus Christ.
16. Always to have recourse to the most holy Mary, that she may obtain for us the love of Jesus Christ.
17. To honor Mary in order to please Jesus Christ.
18. To seek to please Jesus Christ in all your actions.
19. To offer yourself to Jesus Christ, to suffer any pain for His love.
20 To be always determined to die rather than commit a willful venial sin.
21. To suffer crosses patiently, saying, "Thus it pleases Jesus Christ."
22. To renounce your own pleasures for the love of Jesus Christ.
23. To pray as much as possible.
24. To practice all the mortifications that obedience permits.
25. To do all your spiritual exercises as if it were for the last time.
26. To persevere in good works in the time of aridity.
27. Not to do, nor yet to leave undone, anything through human respect.
28. Not to complain in sickness.
29. To love solitude, to be able to converse alone with Jesus Christ.
30. To drive away melancholy.
37. Often to recommend yourself to those persons who love Jesus Christ.
32. In temptation, to have recourse to Jesus crucified, and to Mary in her sorrows.
33. To trust entirely in the Passion of Jesus Christ.
34. After committing a fault, not to be discouraged, but to repent and resolve to amend.
35. To do good to those who do evil.
36. To speak well of all, and to excuse the intention when you cannot defend the action.
37. To help your neighbor as much as you can.
38. Neither to say, nor to do anything, that might vex Him. And if you have been wanting in charity, to ask His pardon and speak kindly to Him.
39. Always to speak with mildness and in a low tone.
40. To offer to Jesus Christ all the contempt and persecution that you meet with.
41. To look upon [religious] Superiors as the representatives of Jesus Christ.
42. To obey without answering and without repugnance, and not to seek your own satisfaction in anything.
43. To like the lowest employments.
44. To like the poorest things.
45. Not to speak either good or evil of yourself.
46. To humble yourself even towards inferiors.
47. Not to excuse yourself when you are reproved.
48. Not to defend yourself when found fault with.
49. To be silent when you are disquieted.
50. Always to renew your determination of becoming a saint, saying, "My Jesus, I desire to be all Yours, and You must be all mine."
"The Incarnation, Birth, and Infancy of Jesus Christ", Saint Alphonsus de Liguori

"Open Thy Sacred Heart, O Jesus! Show me its beauty and unite me with
It forever. May the throbbing and all the movements of my heart, even
during sleep, be a testimony of my love and tell Thee unceasingly,
'Yes, Lord Jesus, I adore Thee...accept my poor good actions...grant
me the grace of repairing the evil done...so that I may praise Thee
in time and bless Thee for all eternity. Amen."

In light of today's Scripture readings, Fr. Bob's Prayer is:

God of Integrity, Who calls us, we need courage to follow Jesus and make whatever sacrifices are necessary, as Elisha did to follow Elijah. We carry so much baggage, which slows our journey and compromises our wholehearted response. Help us to find the integrity and sincerely to mean what we say and say what we mean. Help us to speak the truth we know in our hearts, because You are the Word spoken within and the Voice we hear. InSpirit us to discover the presence and power of Your Word and Spirit within ourselves and within our world. Save us from demonic duplicity. Re-ignite Your spark within us.

Mary, your Mother's heart embraces us as you embraced Jesus. You worry about us as you worried about him. Help us never to get lost, but to always find God's house amid the journeys and detours of our lives. Give us the purity of heart to listen and follow Jesus. You are the gentle voice of God, who invites us from all eternity into the holy tent of Gods heart. You are the one who teaches us to drink of God's life and enjoy the sweetness of divine love. Thank you for being our Mother, Mary, and giving us a special place in your heart. Teach us to revere our parents- the ones God chose for us.  Amen!

OK better day today- Thank You God!  National Basilica bound, so off to a bus trip to DC.  Pretty cool for it is also the Feast of the Immaculate Heart today.  I need all the help I can get, especially after yesterday's brief blaze out.

Saturday of the Tenth week in Ordinary Time : Lc 2,41-51

Commentary of the day
Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity (1880-1906), Carmelite
Last retreat, 15th day (©Institute of Carmelite Studies)

« Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart» (Lk 2,19)

       "The Virgin kept all these things in her heart." Her whole history can be summed up in these few words! It was within her heart that she lived, and at such a depth that no human eye can follow her. When I read in the Gospel "that Mary set out in haste to the hill country of Judea" (Lk 1,39) to perform her loving service for her cousin Elizabeth, I imagine her passing by so beautiful, so calm and so majestic, so absorbed in recollection of the Word of God within her. Like Him, her prayer was always this: «...Here I am" Who? ''The handmaid of the Lord," (Lk 1,38) the lowliest of His creatures: she, His Mother! Her humility was so real for she was always forgetful, unaware, freed from self. And she could sing: "The Mighty One has done great things for me, from now on all peoples will call me blessed" (Lk 1,49.48).

This Queen of virgins is also Queen of martyrs; but again it was in her heart that the sword pierced, for with her everything took place withinl ... Oh! How beautiful she is to contemplate during her long martyrdom, so serene, enveloped in a kind of majesty that radiates both strength and gentleness! She learned from the Word Himself how those must suffer whom the Father has chosen as victims, those whom He has decided to associate with Himself in the great work of redemption, those whom He "has foreknown and predestined to be conformed to His Christ," (Rom 8,29) crucified by love. She is there at the foot of the Cross, standing, full of strength and courage.

Volumed maxed!  Music playing, rhythms moving the body and the being across the trappings of place and state...
a day that was not good.... foul in fact!  A day that the mind and self yells "**** IT!" from the depths of its being.

Music. the beast tamer of the internal frustrations and conflicts... music the whip-master that beats the tempest into submission.  Music that slices out the cancer of vile thoughts and temptations of death and surrender to not the Master, but to the condition of human weakness.
A growling beast within that wishes to rend and end the roadblocks and friggin walls this battered head and heart have been slamming into at full speed these past few months at slow mo 
A primal scream of animalistic yearning and pain that sears the heart and mind and locks the being into boiling oil of life unrealized.. the horror of being where one is, with no end in sight.

Why not the fatalistic, giving up?
Why not the guttural moaning yell of"**** it all!"?

Music a reminder that somewhere..somewhere there is suppose to be hope that the mind and the heart would die for ,yet the present feels no presence of.  A day of primal screaming in silence so no one will hear the horror that is fighting within , so no one can see beyond the smile on the face of calm outwardly showing....
but...inside....that quiet and narrow passage.....

  A place no one can see unless they ask to enter...
inside...
the battle reigns strong today.
A battle not raged for many, a many a moons...
today the visual images are sharp, stark in contrasting colors
sharp slicing shadows/lights..

.  today is a day that make a good offering.
For today the battle is between weakness and hope...
between faith and human doubt.
... between life and death.
Today there is only black and white, greys a muddled sea of confused head shaking frustrating entrapment.
let's hope for faith to win.

Dear God have mercy.  Dear Jesus Have mercy, Dear Holy Spirit have mercy...  Most blessed Holy Trinity to whom I give my life and soul...please have mercy and save me.
___________________________________________________________________

The sweeter the consolation.... the harder the separation?
The more lovely the silent musical song, the harsher the emptiness of love's empty forlorn swoon.
The closer to God we step and rest in peace-filled arms,
the harsher the times of testing absence seeming to be.

Oh what state of human frailty!
Oh what times we struggle and fall!
Oh what blindness, we are called to hear the Lord's glorious call!
____________________________________________________________

You know that one person, that one kiss that will stay with you until the day you die.  When sitting in the old folks home rocking away the day the kiss, the person that will spin to mind with no provocation... 
Was thinking about that this evening when I heard a song from that time.  How over my life love would be close but never quite there in that life long partner sense.  Oh there were some great potentials!  My personal moral code stood in the way, or the timing was all wrong.  I sometimes- OK, most times think, that it is God's way of protecting us from taking a wrong turn.  Now as I sit and reflect on that kiss, that special person who made the world fade away and glitter with just their face before me and their words quickening my heart; all I can think about is how special it is to have that memory but how blessed I am to have a greater love.  A greater person who fills my life.  I look at the picture of Jesus and His sacred heart on my desktop background and know without a doubt there is nothing more fulfilling, nothing more desired then His love and my wanting to love Him completely.  So while I may remember that kiss, that time of romantic wonderment with happiness and fondness I do not regret not having it in my life now.  I do not wish things to be different then they are now.  For now I have found that love I have searched for all my life.  He was just waiting for me to realize that His love is always there for me, waiting and ready to give it to me.  He was just waiting for me to be ready to give all to Him in love. So I sit here typing away smiling knowing, because I know no matter what these remaining days of this life on earth bring me I have found my true love and it is worth the cost... and His divine love is beautiful.

Gee, Stupid Thing of the Day LOL

So the weather was great, temps reasonable a cool breeze blowing, the skies were deep beautiful blue with fluffy happy clouds today.  Decided,"Hey-its great outside!  Instead of praying the noon Office inside I'll just go out sit in the backyard and just spend some time enjoying God's world, and pray whatever comes...etc..etc"  
LOL, note to self when doing that remind yourself to ask your Guardian Angel to let ya know when you've been in the sun long enough, especially if you have a tendency to lose track of time easily when communing with God this way.  Can we say sunburn?  Yes, we can.  LOL, at least my face has a nice glow to match my knees and chest..what I get for wearing a tank top and pulling the legs of my shorts up before I started.  Ahhhhhhh,.. the lovely shade of red complimented by stark areas of white :0)  

"It is not possible to have a union of love

more profound and more total:

He in me and I in Him;

the one in the other.

What more could we want?"

...St. Gemma Galgani in regard to the Eucharist

Cardinal Francois-Xavier Nguyen van Thuan
"I will never be able to express my immense joy: Every day with three drops of wine and one drop of water in the palm of my hand, I celebrated my Mass.

...We made little containers from the paper of cigarette boxes to reserve the Blessed Sacrament. Jesus in the Eucharist was always with me in my shirt pocket. .... They (Catholics in the camp) all knew that Jesus was among them, that He is the one who cures all their physical and mental suffering. At night, the prisoners would take turns keeping adoration; Jesus helped in a tremendous way with His silent presence. Many Christians regained the fervor of their faith during these days, and Buddhists and other non-Christians converted.

The strength of the love of Jesus is irresistible. The darkness of prison became light, the seed germinated underground during the storm."- From  "Five Loaves And Two Fishes" By Cardinal Francois-Xavier Nguyen van Thuan

Today's Gospel Reading-a Great One

Matthew 5:1-12
1 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain, and when he was set down, his disciples came unto him. 2 And opening his mouth, he taught them, saying: 3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land. 5 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill. 7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 8 Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called children of God. 10 Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye when they shall revile you, and persecute you, and speak all that is evil against you, untruly, for my sake: 12 Be glad and rejoice, for your reward is very great in heaven. For so they persecuted the prophets that were before you.

Beautiful Mother Teresa Quote and Story

I know she is "Blessed", but to me she is still simple, inspirational, humble Mother Teresa. 


"Commentary of the day
Blessed Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997), founder of the Missionary Sisters of Charity
A Simple Path (p.99)

"They have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty"

You must give what will cost you something. This, then, is giving not just what you can live without but what you can't live without or don't want to live without, something you really like. Then your gift becomes a sacrifice, which will have value before God... This is also what I call love in action. Every day I see this love-in children, men, and women.

I was once walking down the street and a beggar came to me and he said, "Mother Teresa, everybody's giving to you, I also want to give to you. Today, for the whole day, I got only twenty-nine paise and I want to give it to you." I thought for a moment: If I take it he will have nothing to eat tonight, and if I don't take it I will hurt him. So I put out my hands and I took the money. I have never seen such joy on anybody's face as I saw on his-that a beggar, he too, could give to Mother Teresa. It was a big sacrifice for that poor man who'd been sitting in the sun all day and had only received twenty-nine paise. It was beautiful: twenty-nine paise is such a small amount and I can get nothing with it, but as he gave it up and I took it, it became like thousands because it was given with so much love. " -Daily Gospel Comment for 5Jun2010

How interesting as I read over posts from last year that the prayers I prayed were answered in the stark reality and truth that I asked for... the raw, unadorned lessons were asked for from heartfelt pleas made almost a year ago.  What a blessing, what a lesson-lol, be careful what you ask for!  Oh But what a blessing it is when you are shown in your own experience again and again that God hears your prayers and loves you enough to answer them in the ways that perfects even the meager human pleas we make to His mercy.

 

Would I ask for any change or subtle difference? No, not in the least!  The changes I wish could be made were those due my own weakness and faults and sinful ways, but never from the lessons our Lord has been gracious enough to grace me with! To tame and teach this wild heart of mine, raw and lost; injured and confused these are the lessons I learned! The path, yes, could have been soft and easy- but what good is that if truly seeking that which God asks of us?  So be it! I will not question, but give thanks!  May God give me whatever He desires for His glory, for His praise, for His thanksgiving for all He does for us!  For through the hard times, the dark times, the quiet times, the struggles, sufferings, pains- through all these times an offering could be made to the Almighty, a lesson was learned, a breaking of the self accomplished.  Through these tests a pruning of self is made and the progression, hopefully is made to be ever drawn closer and closer to our Lord, our beautiful God.

 

That is why I never will forget those few who in their simple way have been beside me on this path, they will forever be in my prayers to God, for I know without a doubt He will care for them and look after them drawing them ever closer to His loving heart.  In a life where all except my family have abandoned me because they did not wish to be near my suffering, these few who remain for as long as it is deemed out of love... Oh I will never forget, and I will, God willing, pray for them until the end of my days on this world. 

 

Re-reading from a year ago, at times I feel as if I have fallen back 20 steps, at other times like I have grown but in a more pragmatic, intrinsic way.  The good and sanity saving grace of the local MH staff is that they are so real and unassuming.  They will forever be in my heart and prayers for if not for them I honestly do not where I would be now.  Ever get that feeling you are on the edge of something that will shift your life, and world forever??  that is what I have been feeling in greater intensity for well over a month now.  Ever growing, ever deepening... a silent vibration of anticipation that fills the being, the heart with anticipation even though "what" is still hidden from this lil being.