Thursday, October 7, 2010


Home, how does one define "home"?  Yes, one definition is the place where you grow up, and spent your formative years of life.  Home is the place where your parents live and/or where you currently live.  But what IS home?  Some say home is where the heart is, where your loves are...

Where is home for me?  Yes, my familial home is here in town, here is where my loving parents still live, thanks be to God.  Here is where I live in my Grandparents home  now they have passed.  I share the home with my brother and it is comfortable, no mortgage.  We all get along, no major dramas like some poor families I have seen over my lifetime.  I know if ever there is a need, or emergency everybody in the family drops what they are doing to help the person in need without hesitation or second thought.  Their love is unconditional and solid until the day we die, I know we would all die for the other gladly suffer for the other out of love.

BUt what about making/finding my own personal home?  Most folks by the time they hit my age have married, had children and possibly starting to have grandchildren.  They've established a home of hearth, heart, and unbreakable bonds outside of their parental.youth influence.  Why have I never found my own "home"?  Yes I am seeking the only home that matters within by trying to conform to God's ways by following Jesus' path, by making myself small so He may dwell ever more within... that is all the home I ever desire or need.  But I believe our God wants even the most basic thing for His children and that is for them to find a home, their own loving place to find a share of Nazareth on this earth until we are called to His Home.

Home...I look back over these adult years of mine, and I have lived in places where my home was terror-filled and filled with horrific pain when with my ex..  My home afterwards a place where the scars and seeping wounds too fresh needing healing was a psychic place of dealing and attempting to heal and find a measure of self again. These were the times when I was far from the Church and was "spiritual not religious", LOL, a causality of my own pride and of misdirected post Vatican 2 interpretations taught in Sunday school. Home another dwelling I paid rent on and slept in but besides for my cats felt no love and no love grew there.

I can honestly say there has been only one time in my entire life where I ever felt "at home".  Home where I felt the fullness of Gods blessings within me, and fullness of others around me caring and loving.   Mother Mary was kind in guiding me to where God wanted to teach me that there is a home here on earth.  He wanted me to be reawakened to what it felt like inside this heart of mine to be home.  Home, he showed me once and for all that home is a word that brings an interior smile and a softening of the heart at just the breath of it passing over the mind. I miss that feeling, how I wish I felt it here with my family and in my hometown, but I feel ever the stranger, ever a step out of sync.

As more time passes that reminder flickers and fades, but Mama Mary reminds me at times.  I remember and must keep searching for the home within my heart  with Jesus and Mary... and the home God might have for me out here in this world, this life... but then again maybe He wants me to have this as my sacrifice, my offering?  to unite this with Jesus??  To keep me always yearning for that home that dwells within me as He leads and guides me to His home?  O well, trust in Jesus, trust that my Father will guide me to the home HE wishes for His wayward daughter to dwell until He calls me to His Home hopefully.

Where to now?  Ahh but Linda you

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