Been awhile, been helping out gardening, mowing, doing nothing, etc.
Still have a major case of the "Whatever's" and "Who gives a F?" or the harder to fight internally, "I give up".
Gave up on the whole religious life thing. Figure God wants me, then He better make it obvious, can't take the emotional roller coaster that always crashes back here. Tired of religious orders, etc automatically shutting the door based on age, they succeeded in doing something that no one else ever managed to do and make me feel ancient.
Irony is if there ever was a place that accepted me my first thought would be what the heck is wrong with you don't you see what a messed up person I am, look at my history! Look at my now! I got enough garbage spewed back there to immediately show what a waste of effort I would be, especially at this age. So, yes, the irony is not lost on me.
With that said I highly encourage every young person to seriously consider for awhile if God might be calling you to religious life. If you might find it interesting, or fulfilling. Nothing else take advantage of the summer programs they have for young adults and just hang out, pray and live with some of the varied religious opportunities out there. Very least it is a cheap way to spend a summer away from the parent's house.
Take care and God bless until next time.